LECTURE PART FIVE
NANOTECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES have led to the development of extraordinary new processes. Such is the complexity that we are now able to achieve at an atomic level that scalpels, sutures, even defibrillators have been developed that, when needed, can perform a combined heart-lung transplant on a common house spider.
The sick spider must be examined by two qualified doctors (1) of arachnid medicine (2), both agreeing that the spider will die without treatment but is otherwise healthy enough to benefit from the procedure in the long term. Testing for this is usually done by examining the effects of gentle physical exercise on the spider, for example tennis or rowing a boat.
(3)Once the spider has been cleared for the procedure, priority switches to finding a donor. Donor spider must be pronounced clinically dead, the most common cause of which is fall from badly designed web resulting in head injury or swallowing by old woman in an attempt at fly-entrapment.
The spider is anaesthetised with a single drop of ethanol administered by cotton bud. It’s feet are then placed in steel boots and the unconscious spider is secured by magnetism. The operation is undertaken by an arachnid surgeon, given a combination of chloroform and peyote, who uses astral projection to ‘dream’ the operating procedure. Dream of surgeon is monitored by electrodes in the brain which translate electrical impulses into movement of the surgical instruments. An incision is made in the thorax of the spider through which the heart and the lung sacs are removed. The spider’s blood is now oxygenated and circulated by a minute respirator while refrigerated donor organs are fitted and suturing takes place.
(4)Prognosis for transplant recipients is generally good, with over 60% of spiders still alive one month after the operation – in human terms comparable to a five year period.
Ethical questions have been raised however. Building and development of equipment has so far cost in excess of $100 million, and there is controversy over the question of prioritising spiders who choose to live in smoke-free environments. Spiders living with HIV and AIDS are also currently excluded.
(1) slide: picture of female doctor from Clockwork Orange
(2) slide: picture of male doctor from Clockwork Orange
(3) slide: diagram of internal workings of spider
(4) slide: picture of spider's web with dew on it
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